Intuitive Eating and Self Control

I have begun reading Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch. I've read so many healthy, sugar free and diet books and never had so much apply to me. I definitely do the Last Supper thing where I eat a large quantity of something I'll "never eat again" and then give in later anyway. My weight is increasing with every diet and restriction regime and honestly I've reached "diet bottom."

Although my most worrying thing for me was my cravings. It seemed I just wanted to eat junk all the time without stopping and the more I restrict the worse it becomes. The nutritionist I visited Jenna Farmer of A Balanced Belly made me realise I eat erratically. She suggested eating more meals and like my PT said, "little and often." This terrified me because I'm used to following the rules of the  slimming club I attended where you eat a certain amount and if you go over that you get nothing. There were free foods but to be honest I was too busy going over that I didn't notice. The cravings were strong. My PT also suggested more water which has worked so well.

Back to Intuitive Eating, I haven't finished the book yet. Hopefully there's a happy ending (I'm kidding.) Seriously though I'm having a little trouble, mainly because...I just don't trust myself. Principle 3 is the one I'm having trouble with. "Make Peace With Food." They say the key is (and I haven't finished the book so don't know what else will come) "eating what you really want. Yes what you want." page 83.

"Making peace with food means allowing all foods into your eating world." page 84

I have a real problem because to me some foods are just bad and my testimony is how I look now. I feel if I'd stayed away from these foods none of this would have happened. I'm not giving myself time to adjust, I'm flustered and agitated and all because of a bar of chocolate or a packet of crisps. Besides I know the philosophy is that you need to stop caring so much about your weight and embrace your body but I'm finding that hard too. I'll finish the book and I'll have a better idea but I still want to persevere because I've had enough of being hungry all the time or craving food that seems so appealing but in reality doesn't even taste as great as I imagined. So that's one thing that the book said. I see that the food is mainly appealing because it's forbidden.

Another problem I have is that maybe the idea shouldn't be about self control. It's about getting back in tune with your body and listening for hunger cues. I'm so used to finishing what's in front of me that I find it hard to know when I'm satisfied. Maybe it's about having patience and trusting the book but it's difficult when it goes against everything I've ever been taught about food ever.

The good thing is that rediscovering foods has meant my cravings have gone down. I'm no longer forced into eating certain foods. I feel calmer and more centred. So I'm going to persevere, drink more water and eat more meals (snacks.) I'll let you know how it goes.
 

Brain Over Binge

I feel that Brain over Binge by Kathryn Hansen hits the nail on the head in so many ways.

'normal eating meant I did not binge and did not diet restrictively.' page 215 

Ah normal eating. It has been a bit of a struggle to get onto the path to healthy eating but I've managed to maintain a healthy approach to different foods and I'm managing to slowly uncover what it means to train and be able to eat what you like while maintaining a good diet. The struggle comes in with junk food but onto this book because it definitely helps with binging. 

The book suggests focusing on the urge to binge as opposed to the supposed issues surrounding it. 

'I began to see that I binged primarily to relieve my cravings  and also for pleasure, but certainly not to satisfy some symbolic inner need.' page 83 

Lately I've been thinking that something is wrong with the way I approach food but Kathryn's approach is that you should focus on the urges of binge eating. She  speaks about the human brain and animal brain. The animal brain, because the survival instinct has kicked in, encourages you to eat large amounts of food. This is not really you and isn't about your needs, it is about the voice in your head which you should begin to observe and stop acting on. The animal brain doesn't have control over your voluntary muscles meaning you can learn to control yourself. That is what I got from the book.

So Kathryn's suggestion for overcoming binge eating is to separate yourself from your urges. So what is recovery? 

'Recovery from bulimia or BED is the termination of all binge eating.' page 104

It is often difficult to be taken seriously when it comes to cravings however this approach is comforting. As well as this Kathryn's experience of an eating disorder means that you get a strong sense of her own battle with binge eating. It has also worked when it comes to wanting to binge eat. I have managed to listen to the voice and instead of doing battle with it, have seen it as not me.

The only thing I worried about was the effect of eating too much food has had one me physically. Not knowing much about the human body I wonder if the cravings are all in the mind. This means that I need to find a way to eat that, while normal, will mean I actual do lose weight. Now that I feel on top of the excessive eating I've decided to explore the book- Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program That Works by Evelyn Tribole and Eylse Resch.

I don't want a diet plan, I'm sick of food diaries and I just want to eat as normally as  I can while losing weight. I want to know about intuitive eating because I feel like this could work. I've heard about it but I'll blog about it once I've read it and whether I decide to begin to eat this way.

All in all this was a great book and I really enjoyed reading it.

'

Restoring The Brain To Factory Settings

I'm almost finished Brain over Binge and just wow. It's completely changed my perspective  on binge eating and the amount of control you have. Furthermore it offers a great solution and because I'm focusing on my urges to binge as opposed to everything else (something the book talks about frequently) it's a lot easier to just...not. To not have that large bag of crisps that I won't even taste, to not buy that Chinese that could serve two people. Which brings me to a worry I have  which I believe is connected. Brain Restore to Survival Instinct.

Brain Restore to Survival Instinct 

If you are able to restore your brain to factory settings (back to how it should, back to the beginning before everything became messed up) is there still a physical response? I'm not sure exactly how the human body works but my worry is that by learning how to not restrict I will begin to gain weight. Restricting my food was my only form of maintenance because after constantly overeating I would begin to try to regain control and then that would eventually lead to a binge. I would manage to lose pounds but would eventually regain them. The fear of gaining even more weight isn't irrational in my case because my BMI is already terrible. What if eating normally leads to even further weight gain?

This all means I have to learn how the body works in this sense. Will the survival instinct taper off and leave me able to enjoy indulgent food sometimes but to also eat healthier? I keep thinking, and I know it's an excuse, what if I'm meant to be overweight? I've battled with my body since I was a kid and I'm done fighting it. I want us to work together. I understand cravings and urges to binge are products of the mind but what of the actual physical effect of binge eating and restriction. Is my body now holding onto every calorie? Is this fear or reality?

I feel fitter, healthier, more in control and I actually feel slimmer believe it or not. I just don't think that is reflected in the mirror. I have no idea about the scales and the tape measure doesn't give much hope. So will I need time for my body to realise it isn't going to starve? Also now I eat more meals so I don't binge. Snacks like NKD bars, dried fruit and smoothies. What will my body make of that?

If it is all brain then everything should be fine. The only thing I know for sure is I cannot give up. I have to keep eating healthily and exercising. For years I've been unable to follow any particular meal plan, whether eating clean, paleo or sugar free. Now I finally am more in control maybe that could be my next step, to find a plan that works.

But my question at the end of all this still is, how can I lose weight healthily?

Stress Management and Dealing with Emotions and Failure

Aerobics Class Judgement 

I went to a class on Sunday called Abs Blast. It was so hard! I did feel a little tearful as I peeled myself off the floor and hit the showers. It made me think about two things. If I had a gym

a) I'd point out which classes are for beginners
b) I wouldn't judge the person for not being at the right fitness level yet

I think that's the problem. When I think of fitness I immediately think of being shouted at in P.E for not getting the ball. There was no reason, that I saw, to be out in he freezing cold weather chasing after muddy object. Not for my health, not to be slim, not even to get fit. It's just something to think about.

Stress Management and Dealing with Anger and Failure 

I also had a dessert at a Mother's Day meal and....I didn't actually want it. In my head I could hear, 'clear your plate' and 'you're about to pay for it anyway.' Nothing about how delicious it might be or how filling. It made me think that I see food the wrong way. Now I eat less junk food emotions have risen to the surface. I'm currently reading "Brain Over Binge" by Kathryn Hassen. Some parts I agree with and others I'm unsure about. One thing she talks about is dealing with your urge to binge. The problem I have is that I don't think I've ever had a healthy relationship with food. Even when I was a child I was a finicky eater who wouldn't finish my meals.

So now I have to learn how to deal with my emotions and learn how to manage stress which should be interesting. Even the job I'm currently doing makes me feel like a failure because it's not what I want to do and I have a degree I'm not using. There's nothing wrong with earning money honestly but my brain feels as though it's dying and my creativity is going unused. But the problem I have is that to make a change and a move I'll have to deal with failure. Not even feelings of being a failure, the chance that I might fail at something I really want. Then I'll have to move on.

So that's something to explore next. How do I deal with my own emotions, how to I proceed if I've failed and how do I cope with stressors?So first I'll tackle what binge eating means and then move on to dealing with those feelings and stress.  Next it might be worthwhile to consider how to lose weight naturally. If I'm not restricting my food the way I have been doing because it isn't healthy, how then can I possibly lose weight? NHS choices said something interesting,..

"People who binge eat do not purge themselves to control their weight, but may try to limit weight gain by having periods of eating very little between binges."

NHS Choices-Binge Eating

I always thought binge eating was just about eating too much, I didn't even consider the restriction. So that's something else to think about, how to lose weight without restricting yourself beyond a certain point. 

I hope to tackle...

1) What is binge eating?
2) How do you deal with stress, emotions and failure
3) How do you lose weight naturally 
4) How do stop yourself getting into a pattern of binge and then restrict, binge and then restrict

Mind Motivation [1]

I'm not sure where to begin because my mind is all over the place. It's difficult feeling your feelings. I'm having so much less junk food and there is nothing to regulate my mood. I would celebrate with food, eat food when I'm sad and gorge when I'm angry. The third week has always been my hardest time as I have been trying for the last year to get back on a healthy path. For some reason I always gain on the third week or just feel hungry.

My PT has recommended that I don't weigh myself until the third month which is hard. I have to know what I am because I feel it defines me. I have been attending a slimming club for the past two years, I know, right? I won't mention which but I just felt something was missing. I managed to lose two stone the first year but slowly began to regain it all over the next. My leader was compassionate and understanding but I felt I needed to rely on guilt to motivate me and even that had gone away.

So here's the problem I have. I feel I look fatter after three weeks of healthy eating and exercise. I've googled this and it could be the following. Water retention, finally realising I look a certain way- so the way I see myself, bulking up with muscle or that I have gained and it's disheartening.

Retrain 

So how can you begin retraining the way your body reacts to food? I feel like this is something that needs research and I definitely want to ask a nutritionist. For me to begin with I just managed to cut junk food out simply using motivation. I have my PT's business card in my purse and I would look at that before spending money on junk. So for me that meant no crisps, sweets or chocolate just so my tongue could be retrained and I could have better taste. The idea was not to be restrictive so if I "slipped up" I wouldn't punish myself in my mind. This always leads to giving up in the end.

I also had to look at my daily timetable as it's very messed up due to the way I work. I go a long time in the evening without food and this causes me to think, while I'm working, about what I can binge on. So that's the first two weeks and now I want to tackle my portions as I eat way too much.

What about my thinking though? I'll write down my motivations below so I can return to them when disheartened like now.

- To be a certain dress size that I won't mention yet. (I'm sick of my clothes not fitting right)
-To be healthier (this should be first but I won't lie that it isn't what keeps me motivated the most- sorry)
-To be stronger
-To look like the person I feel on the inside

I feel like I should have more motivation than this and maybe that is the problem. However, I do actually feel fitter and doing my work is a breeze.

Don't Be Afraid To Start Again

Hi. If you've stumbled across this blog it's likely this will be the last post you see. I thought I'd introduce myself and explain my reason for beginning Sculpt Love Fitness. As the weeks and perhaps months go by you will be introduced to what SLF actually is but for now I'll let it remain a mystery. This blog is about re-educating yourself about nutrition, learning the important of becoming fit and maintaining it and battling binge eating and overeating. I do not yet have qualifications in this industry but my hope is that I will begin to a) study these courses and b) use my current personal knowledge of food to explore the psychology of overeating. The overall aim is to create a program of long term solutions so that we can all benefit from a life of healthy eating.

The goal will be to analyse texts on nutrition, explore magazines on the subject and ask experts in this field. So to begin I am an overeater and possibly a binge eater but we'll look into the meaning of that at a later date. I am currently, let's just say, not at my best fitness and health wise. I began my journey three weeks ago and it is around three weeks that every attempt at a healthy lifestyle is thwarted. I battle with my cravings and worry about getting diabetes. I have seen a nutritionist a few weeks ago who helped me out immensely and now I currently have a PT (Personal Trainer.)  Despite this I have slowly begun to realise that as someone said to me. The problem isn't physical.

Sure I crave food and overindulge but there has to be a psychological reason for this. I've had all my blood tests done, there is nothing physically wrong with me- according to the doctors. So this must be a mind thing and I plan to find out what and why. I'm searching for a cure. While training my body physically, I must train mentally. That's where this blog comes in.

I want to discover for myself how to deal with this problem and then help others with it. I want a better understanding of something that has plagued my life since my youth. I also want to be slimmer, happier, more confident and to achieve my goals.

So if you have any suggestions for me, comments or questions leave them below. So whether you want to lose weight or just be healthier- let's do it together.

Kimberly